40 Nights of Great Sex

My first thought when I saw Dr. Stacy Spencer‘s new book “Naked and Unashamed” was, “wait a minute. A Christian minister preaching about sex?” My second thought was, “why not?” Heathens aren’t the only ones that like to swing from the chandeliers; quiet as its kept Christians enjoy sex just like everyone else. Moreover, good sex is a natural and important part of a good marriage and good marriages are one of the foundations of Christian life.

The book grew out of a “40 Nights of Great Sex” bible study program begun by Spencer, Senior Pastor of the New Direction Christian Church in Memphis Tennessee, and his wife of 16 years, Rhonda. The couple looked into the Christian community and saw marriage – God’s first church – in trouble. The high divorce rate in our country is a well publicized statistic. What is less well known is that, depending on the poll, the divorce rate among practicing Christians is as high as that of non Christians. Christians are also seeing rising rates of adultery and indulgences in pornography. Spencer felt a calling to restore the sheen to Christian marriage and started the workshop as a way to begin healing relationships by providing couples a safe place to talk honestly about intimacy within the covenant of marriage.

I imagine I am not the only Christian that is not used to hearing pastors preach about sex from the pulpit, at least not in the candid way Spencer does. I am far more familiar with the sin and hellfire preaching. You know: “good girls don’t and they certainly don’t enjoy it when they do.” Or “Good men don’t have thoughts like that and they certainly don’t act on them, least ways not without some self flagellation afterward.” There are surveys revealing that in 76 percent of Christian homes sex is never even discussed. Is it any wonder that when men and women of faith come together and attempt to live the partnership God has set aside for us we are thwarted at every turn by insecurities, shame and guilt?

Not all marriages that fail are sabotaged by sexual dysfunction. But certainly for married couples in trouble (and even those that are not) breaking down the barriers to true intimacy, shedding the sense of being nasty or dirty and opening the channels to honest and open communication with our partner can be the road to a healthy relationship inside and outside of the bedroom. And if Christians are going to be successful in marriage we had better begin to have some real talk about sex and the role it plays in Gods plan for marriage.

You will not find the traditional religious sterility on the pages of this book. Spencer uses scriptural references to lay a theological foundation for the expert advice that follows. He spends time exploring the difference between intimacy and sex, the purpose of marriage and the natural tensions that arise between genders. There is also plenty of frank and often quite explicit discussion of sex and sexual relations.

Hebrews 13:4 speaks of the marriage bed as being undefiled. Scripture is also very specific on what God considers to be sexually perverse. So as long as it’s not illegal, immoral or prone to put one or both participants in traction as they say in the vernacular, “it’s on!” Oral sex? You bet. Anal penetration? If everyone is willing. Toys? If that’s what makes your ears wiggle. The marriage bedroom is a place for healthy, loving exploration, communication and most of all fun.

It is this quest for wholeness in marriage that is at the heart of Spencer’s book; a desire for couples to begin to say no to the twin demons of shame and facade and instead say yes to God, yes to each other, yes to openness and true intimacy. Most of all Spencer writes to remind us that sex is a natural and enjoyable part of human life and an essential element in building a solid marriage.

Spencer ends the book with the promise of “40 nights of great sex” — a tall order to fill. However, even if the book only delivers on half the promise, that’s three weeks of great sex. Nice work if you can get it. I suspect however, that whether newly married or rediscovering the passion that brought you together so many years ago “Naked and Unashamed” will be a terrific guide in unwrapping Gods gift of sexual and emotional intimacy in Christian marriage.