Comedians have lost a target, and the rest of the entertainment industry has lost a jewel. Bea Arthur is no longer with us. She died peaceably at her home in Los Angeles at the age of 86. As a humanitarian, seeing anybody die is unfortunate, yet I will also miss the jokes.
One of the great comedies of all time was the movie “Airheads,” featuring Brendan Fraser and Adam Sandler. When they end up accidentally taking hostages, they decide to make their demands so ridiculous that they will have the groundwork for an insanity plea. They request a football helmet filled with cottage cheese, a six foot baby bottle, and as the hostage negotiator quizzically and impatiently asks them, “Naked pictures of Bea Arthur?”
Later on in the movie, Judd Nelson shows up as a sleazy record executive willing to say anything to make a deal. He sees the others looking at “stuff, “peers over, and asks, “Say, is that Bea Arthur?” When the guys respond in the affirmative, without missing a beat, he says, “Outstanding. Come here, let’s talk.”
While Bea Arthur was not the most attractive woman, she never expressed resentment over jokes that made her the original “Ugly Betty.” The thing about Bea Arthur was that we knew that she could handle it. She was tough. She could throw it back in abundance.
She sparred with Carroll O’Connor’s Archie Bunker. Her liberalism repeatedly smashed his conservatism. This led to her character, “Maude,” getting her own spinoff. Maude in turn led to the spinoff “Good Times,” with the main character being played by Esther Rolle, who was Maude’s housekeeper.
What made these programs so special is that they were fresh. Maude was a positive portrayal of a feminist. (Esther Rolle also offered one of the most positive portrayals of a strong black woman in the history of television.) Yes, Maude was an assertive woman. Yes, she was a fiery feminist. Yet she was not a man-hater. She was not bitter. She was happily married on the show. If more feminists could see that it is possible for a woman to be a staunch advocate for equality among women without the hostility and rage towards men, both men and women would be better off. Bea Arthur was what feminism should be about.
Bea Arthur was a likable feminist.
Yet it was the Golden Girls that allowed the jokes to come in abundance. Betty White was the sweet one. Rue McLanahan was the sexy one. Bea Arthur, as Estelle Getty once said in an episode, was the one that “most looked like Barnaby Jones.”
Jokes regarding her lack of sex appeal (exempting those that find Buddy Ebsen and sex appeal to be synonymous) actually once helped me in a softball game. I was glazed over from the night before, and jogged up to the mound to discuss strategy with the pitcher. This was considered odd since I was the batter on the opposing team.
I explained to the pitcher that I wanted to be intentionally walked. They were to pitch it low and outside. Given how exhausted I was, I would be an easy double play by the next batter. The pitcher refused to comply, so I had to use psychological warfare.
Getting ready to swing, I asked the pitcher if he ever watched geriatric porn. I announced that “I have a great video you should see starring Bea Arthur. It’s called ‘Golden Showers with the Golden Girls.'”
The pitcher called time-out, but by then the damage was done. After the worst four pitches I had ever faced, I had my unintentional walk. The umpire resisted the urge to eject me for “something that is just plain wrong.”
I still remember being in the car with my mother and my grandmother when I told my mom that I was romantically interested in an older woman. I was 27, and the woman was 34. My mother looked at me and said, “Eric, if this is that Bea Arthur thing again, I am going to smack you.” My cousin has a big mouth. The Bea Arthur stuff was not to get back to my family. As for my grandmother, she just calmly remarked and said, “Well Eric, she is a little old for you.”
Yet beneath all of the jokes, Bea Arthur deserved every bit of reverence that she ever received. She was the butt of jokes, but she was no joke. She was a brilliant actress. She even took what other women would consider liabilities, and turned them into advantages.
Men have long joked that she was a woman that looked like a man. As a teenager, her big stocky frame and deep voice led her to actually play male roles in school plays. If Shakespeare could use men to play women, there was nothing preventing a feminist from reversing the process and acting like a man, literally.
She was not the most beautiful. So what? She was voted “most witty” in her class.
She was funny, smart, caustic, and fiery. She was a feminist. Yet she was likable.
I wanted to make jokes about her this weekend, before finding out the sad news. I wanted to say that I met Bob Barker on Saturday afternoon (true), and asked him which of the Golden Girls he slept with in the 1950s (false…I asked if he could still beat up Adam Sandler, and he replied that he could beat up Adam Sandler and Regis Philbin.).
I wanted to joke that she should have been the first offensive tackle taken in the NFL Draft.
Yet I feel sadness that those jokes will now have to be put on the shelf.
I think what made it ok to compare Bea Arthur to Deacon Jones was that she never fought the stereotype. She made a career out of playing a manly feminist.
Deacon Jones was the NFL player famous for the (long since outlawed) “headslap.”
Bea Arthur was the woman that you could make jokes about behind her back, but that if you dared match wits with her to her face, she would verbally slap you silly.
Just ask Archie Bunker.
Jokes about her were fun because she would always have the last…and best…word.
As much as I enjoyed the jokes about her, most people including me loved her retorts.
She was the feminist who did not cry, complain, or express unfairness. She simply hit back.
Any woman that could unite feminists and alpha male comedians should be celebrated.
Any entertainer that could succeed on three different television shows should be respected.
Any performer that could conquer the small screen and Broadway should be admired.
Any woman that can make feminism and liberalism amusing and likable is miraculous.
She will be missed.
eric aka the Tygrrrr Express
blacktygrrrr@earthlink.net
http://www.tygrrrrexpress.com/2009/04/ideological-bigotry-my-book-is-now-available/
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