Rumbling For Rush

Fade In:

Exterior: An old building somewhere in downtown Austin, TX.

Cut To: Close up: A sign which reads “The Austin American-Statesman”

Cut to Interior: A small squalid desk covered with trash. At the desk sits a man from Maine who pretends to be a Texan named John Kelso. He is a frustrated small time liberal writer who wonders how he came to such a low end. Sitting here inside the belly of a dying dinosaur newspaper with the end of his career in sight he comes up with a plan. He will attack the number one media personality in America, Rush Limbaugh. He will challenge Rush to a fistfight.

This is how I see the movie in my head starting after reading an absurd article by liberal columnist John Kelso.

In a nutshell Mr. Kelso wants to fight Rush because he doesn’t like some of the things Rush has been saying. Let’s put aside the fact that Kelso misquotes Rush, makes illogical leaps, projects his own hatred and hypocrisy, engages in hyperbole and allows his jealousy of Rush’s success and the fading influence of his own medium to show through.

Mr. Kelso apparently also hates the First Amendment. You see, I believe there were some great liberals, real men who would argue against what they did not like with substance and ideas. Men like Thurgood Marshall who once said something to the effect that it is the right of free expression of ideas we hate the most that we must defend the most vigorously. Mr. Kelso’s idea is that if someone from the other side of the aisle says something we don’t like we should try to punch them in the head. You see in Liberal World the Constitution only applies to them.

The very liberal Mr. Kelso uses some very deep and well reasoned arguments to justify his position. He engages in some ad hominem attacks! He makes fun of Rush’s weight, belittles Rush’s recovery from drug addiction, insinuates that Rush isn’t charitable…. Nervy move considering the photo I found of Mr. Kelso shows an overweight, sloppily dressed guy clutching a beer, which from the look on his face isn’t his first of the day.

The thing about liberals is that there’s always a double standard. Yes, Rush is overweight but if a conservative writer points out that Bubba and Mrs. Clinton are both a safe distance from starvation, he’s insensitive. If I point to Al Gore’s girth as a possible cause of global warming, I’m afraid to engage in serious discussions of the issues. Yes, Rush has a drug problem and is in recovery as are most of the donors to the Obama campaign from Hollywood. If I bring up Al Gore’s son or any number of Kennedy’s drug and alcohol problems, I’m out of line. I don’t know how much money Rush has given to charity because he doesn’t talk about his charity work but I do know he has been given several awards which he has kept very low key. I have seen the income tax records of a lot of prominent Democrats like Al Gore and Barack Obama and their donations to charity are barely a blip on the radar screens of their incomes. I could be wrong but I’m guessing there is no “John Kelso Foundation” in Austin.

I’m sure the name calling doesn’t bother Rush. He’s used to it. He doesn’t have to time to respond to small time crackpots trying to raise their profile by attacking him. So here’s the deal, Kelso, I challenge you to a fight! Rush doesn’t have time for low rent morons, but I do. Me and you in an MMA style smack down. You can have all the money for whatever charity you deem fit. Turn me down and everyone will know what I already know: you are a coward and a hypocrite.