Prepare for the ‘Gunga Diner’ lawsuit.
I’m not certain I have anything of worth to say about “Watchmen,” prior to actually seeing it tomorrow, when the rest of the world also gets its chance, but since I was very politely asked (as a comics books industry insider, albeit one who doesn’t rate an invitation to one of the six thousand, or so, advance screenings) to post something on Watchmen Eve, and since, as a professional writer, waiting until I actually had something of worth to share would be career suicide, I’ll venture a few predictions about the movie and how it will alter the American entertainment world in its wake.
1. It will be quite successful, financially, and will not, as many have predicted, suffer a sudden drop-off once the hardest of the hard core geek contingent all see it on opening weekend. This is just a gut feeling. I have no evidence or inside information to support it.
2. This success will inspire those who currently run Hollywood to do other “Watchmen”-like projects, only to be dismayed when they discover there aren’t any similar properties available.
3. “Watchmen’s” success will not then inspire those same those-who-currently-run-Hollywood to take the next most obvious step towards producing original “dark” superhero projects, not based on previous material. I suspect I know just enough about how Hollywood works right now to know that the twin fetishes of “Does this already have a built-in following?” and “I’m not going to consider any superhero movie, without seeing the graphic novel in my cold meaty hand first,” still pertain.
4. Therefore, adding to the silly lesson learned from the success of the “The Dark Knight,” about two dozen dark (oh, how I am growing to loathe that word) versions of previously not-dark (light?) superhero properties will go into production. Basically Hollywood is about to embark on the “grim and gritty” era of superhero movies that the actual funnybook business is just beginning to crawl out of. Get ready for “Dark Superman Returns Yet Again,” “Dark Captain America,” “Dark Fantastic Four III,” and so on.
5. Serious discussions about “Watchmen Two” will begin inside two weeks, but nothing will ever come of it, other than causing a huge and impassioned ruckus inside the funnybook business.
6. Despite all of the above, “Watchmen” will further strengthen the comics-make-viable-movies Renaissance we are currently enjoying.
7. About twenty minutes into the film, about half of the audience will realize this isn’t a superhero movie, even though it was marketed as such. They will be shocked to discover that it is in fact something quite the opposite in superhero drag. This will be a glorious revelation to the kids who were brought by their parents, thinking this was the superhero film they were promised, and a horrifying revelation to those parents (at least those who don’t simply drop their kids off to fend for themselves). A small degree of public outrage, and at least one lawsuit, will ensue.
8. At least one self-appointed victims group will express its indignation that the presence of Gunga Diners in the city scenes are an intentional slight against (East) Indians, and probably the Muslim world to boot.
9. Alan Moore, who wanted nothing to do with the film, will never see it.
10. The character Rorschach will enter the greater public consciousness as an icon of the left’s view of extreme right wingers — which, of course, includes all conservatives.
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