Celebutard of the Week – Sean Penn

He’s the gift who just keeps on giving.

This week’s featured Celebutard already figures like an incurable disease in my new book, “Celebutards: The Hollywood Hacks, Limousine Liberals and Pandering Politicians Who Are Destroying America” (Kensington). He is Sean Penn – the A-list actor who brazenly broke bread with America-hating Hugo Chavez of Venezuela. He also traveled to Iran where he heard 10,000 people shouting in unison, “Death to America” and “Death to Israel” – and decided they didn’t really mean it. Let’s give ’em all a hug.

Proving he knows how to perform comedy, too, he and his enormous entourage traveled to New Orleans post-Hurricane Katrina, where they had to be saved after their boat sprang a leak. Penn was trying to prove that idiot actors can rescue people better than the US government. But who will rescue Penn?

Now comes word that Penn plans to play the bushy-headed Larry character in a biopic of the Three Stooges. Seriously.

Is Penn really that stupid? Or does he no longer care that he’s become a human laughing stock? Penn already is the very definition of a stooge. He’s been stooging for the likes of Chavez and nut case Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (say that five times fast, Sean) of Iran, traveling to their countries and championing regimes in which ordinary people regularly lose their freedom, livelihoods, and perhaps their lives, by speaking the kind of traitorous drivel Sean spews on a daily basis.

Of course, the role of Larry may be more challenging than Sean predicted. Larry Fine, who immortalized the Stooge, is a much better actor. He also played the violin.

But I would pay $50 to see a flick in which Penn gets slapped, eye-gouged, nose-tweaked and kicked by his fellow stooges. I’d pay $100 if these actions were all real. Nyuk nyuk.

As part of the tour to promote the movie, I suggest there be a national “Smack Sean Penn Day.” Maybe a frozen pie in the face?

Another rumor: Chavez is up for the role of Moe. Michael Moore is Curly.

Sean Penn. He’s the poster boy for a new take on an old expression: “Being a moron is easy. Comedy is hard.”