Bill Gates: Release the Mosquitos!

True story: Bill Gates — yes, that Bill Gates — released a swarm of mosquitos at a technology conference. He did it (or so he claims) to demonstrate how malaria spreads. Reportedly, he waited a minute or two before he informed his well-heeled audience that these particular blood-suckers weren’t carrying the dread disease. (Only three died of heart attacks!)

This calls to mind The Simpsons‘ Mr. Burns, who shouts “Release the hounds!” whenever he tires of visitors. Gates’ version is somewhat more subtle, but perhaps as effective — especially to mosquito-phobic people like myself. (I wonder if anybody sued? Talk about deep pockets!)

What is it about the fabulously wealthy and famous that drives them to sic wild animals on people? I suppose if I were in their shoes, I’d do the same. Nothing clears out tedious party guests who overstay their welcome faster than a pack of ravenous Rottweilers.

It got me to thinking, this could start a whole new trend of celebrities releasing dangerous things at press conferences. Imagine the possibilities:

Madonna, unleashing a horde of starving orphans desperate for adoptive parents.

Sean Penn, releasing a pack of howling Latin American dictators.

Christian Bale, hurling scores of razor-edged Batarangs (at a cinematographers’ conference, of course).

Wanda Sykes, letting loose with an unholy trifecta of black feminist lesbian jokes.

Sheryl Crow, wafting single used sheets of recycled toilet paper.

Ed Begley, Jr., winding up a garage full of tiny electric-powered clown cars.

George Clooney, unleashing the full force of his self-regard.

Rosie O’Donnell, releasing the “unrated” version of her variety show.