It’s time to rally the troops once more and have another little pow-wow! Whereas the last column discussed Americans slowly giving up our liberties, here I hope to discuss a perpetual loss of sexual identity. To preface this; Personally, I’m a red-blooded American male, exclusively attracted to the dames (Hugh Jackman, not withstanding), I love chicken wings, all things fast and the occasional flying fisticuffs.
The problem is that there is no longer a place for me to be what I am … a man. The thought hit me at the gym today when a fitness tart (the kind of gal who sports a revealing tank top and moisture-wicking pants) approached me in the middle of a lifting session to concernedly ask, “Are you okay?”
I responded with a vexed stare. “It’s just that… You have chalk on your hands, your shirt is all dirty and your face is blood red. The gym is supposed to be fun!” she perkily exclaimed.
I was about to tell her exactly just why/how she was wrong, until I glanced around the gym and immediately realized she was right. Gone were the strongmen of old who liked to lift heavy things and bare-knuckle box black bears. They had been replaced by toolbags sporting “Affliction” t-shirts and elaborate facial hair that made their face reminiscent of an Etch-A-Sketch. If only life were as simple as the childhood toy and all that was needed was a few good shakes of their jackass mug to wipe the slate clean.
I was at a loss for words as the realization hit me like a ton of bricks… I was surrounded by dames and metros.
The only “men” there subscribed to the “Cosmopolitan” philosophy that the gym is a “Great place to meet somebody cute!” They couldn’t care less about testing their manhood or straining under some heavy iron. They’d rather compliment each other’s spray tans and oil down their “guns.” Which leads me to ask; when did “man” die?
The only explanation I can think of is that the pseudo-feminism running rampant has made men feel guilty about our very fiber so long we’ve conformed to a feminist mindset. A mindset whose subtext would ultimately be, “If you think men and women are different … you’re a sexist.” Gender is a “myth perpetuated by society,” they’d say. The worst part is that many women haven’t even realized they’re the ones who have most victimized by this very ideology.
This attack on the “masculine figure” (led by the left, of course), coupled with the hyper-sexualization of women has bred a generation of girls who are all too willing to be objectified. As nothing more than an accessory to these aforementioned douchebags, these women hang from the nitric-oxide enhanced arms of these punks like a European carry-all. Yet they maintain this fantasy that they are somehow “strong, independent woman.”
As proof, one needs look no further than MySpace. You will find pictures of cleavage abound, captioned with phrases such as “D0n’T H@te mE BeCAUse yO BoyFRiend WaNTs WhAt I gOtZ!” Or my personal favorite, “You know you want it!”
No “SweetCherry69,” I don’t want it. Congratulations, you have breasts. They’re no different from other breasts that have come before yours; you simply choose to put them on display like the Obama family on a tabloid stand.
Just as assuredly, I’d like to address “HottieBro4U.” No sir, I don’t want to watch “Sunset Tan” and shoot Jager bombs with you. Grow up. You’d make a fine adult someday.
When did women drop classy allure for public trampiness? When did men trade in their pressed pants and Old Spice for torn Abercrombie jeans and Axe body spray?
I’m saddened to find myself in a generation plagued by women with no self-respect and men with no sense of self. Seeing as I am often the only one who feels this way, I find myself wondering if I’m off the mark. Am I just clinging to some age-old archetype that has no place in the 21st century?
Women, how do you feel about the whole “bitches and ho’s” movement of recent years, along with the metro-sexualization of man? Is that the kind of thing that really lights your fire?
Finally, to the men out there who are thinking of taking the plunge into modern day metrosexualism … have you no shame?