Big Hollywood Readers, Admit It

We’re glad.

Despite witnessing the unprecedented sycophancy of the past few days. Despite the fact that our friends are walking around with silly grins on their faces like they’ve been popping tabs of ecstasy. Despite having to listen to breathless journalists in Washington D.C. hyperventilating as they spoke about being a part of history. “I think I just saw the top of his head! Yes that was it! This is historic!”

It’s better than the alternative.

I’m only speaking for those of us in New York and L.A. I know there are a lot of you in flyover country who don’t know what I’m talking about, but you have to understand what it is like living among people in “the business.” We’ve been surrounded by bitterness so long, we just want everyone we know to be happy for a little while.

We suffer from Stockholm syndrome. You remember when Patty Hearst finally decided to slip on a beret, strap on an AK-47 and knock off a few banks? That’s us. Were gonna go with the flow for a while. (In fact, I think Patty was the first person to utter the phrase, “Yes we can!” Granted, she was cowering in a closet with a gun pointed at her head, but she still meant it.)

Would we really want to see John McCain being sworn in right now? What satisfaction would that give us? Does anybody really have a passion for the crafting of bipartisan campaign finance legislation? His presidency would not make our lives demonstrably better. Add to that knowing we would have to go to work every day and be met by those sullen, angry faces uttering unhinged conspiracy theories and performing seemingly endless monologues about Halliburton. I can’t listen to another one of those. Kansas – I know you’ve heard about these people, but we actually have to share dressing rooms with them. Have a little sympathy.

Plus, we care less about who is president. We do. Politics is not where we derive our sense of self. We live our lives and we would like the policies of our country to reflect our priorities. But our emotional well being is not tied to who is sitting in the White House. Theirs really is. Just look at those faces at the inauguration. When was the last time you cried from happiness when it didn’t involve your wife or children?

So admit it. Things have turned out for the better. Dozens of people have wished me “Happy Inauguration” already, and I just smile and say, “You too!”