The Ozzie and Harriet Syndrome

A few days ago, in the context of pointing out some of the excesses that typify superhero comic books being published today, I posted my personal mission statement, promising to no longer take part in the superhero decadence trend.

As surely as night follows day, the comics community reacted (here, and on comics-devoted news sites and message boards, far and wide), in a more or less even mix of pro and con, support and condemnation, leavened with the usual percentage of anonymous bomb throwing that’s impossible to avoid in our wonderful Internet culture. Some arguments (on both sides) were fairly and eloquently made, while others were… (let’s be charitable and say) less so.

I’m not going to rehash those matters here. I believe my original essay speaks for itself. What I’d like to do though is call attention to one of the arguments that kept popping up time and again, in response to my essay, and which always — one might say reflexively — come up in response to anything said or written stating a desire for better values, virtues and practices than those which are currently (and dominantly) portrayed in our entertainment.

There are a thousand variations, but the core argument goes something like this: “So you want to turn back the clock to 1950’s Ozzie and Harriet style American values, even though that was also a time of segregation, paranoia, nuclear proliferation, and cultural persecution?”

I suspect I’m not the only one who’s grown weary of this nonsense. In just trying to skim the comics message boards over the past few days, trying to get a sense of how my previous essay was being discussed, I had to read some version of the Ozzie and Harriet indictment at least a dozen times over.

Like the poor rooster of the infamous post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy, where the sun rises because he crowed, apparently 50’s era family values are inextricably linked with, or actually caused, segregation, paranoia, nuclear proliferation and the rest. Or maybe they’re suggesting Ozzie and Harriet are the specific culprits? I never quite trusted those two.

First of all, I don’t want to turn back time, to the 50’s or any other era. (Actually that’s not entirely true. If I could travel back to medieval England, with a fully-equipped, hand-picked rifle platoon from my old Army Company, I’d do it in a second. (Any progress on that time machine, John?) I think the values lacking in our mainstream entertainment are alive and well today, just no longer much represented. But that’s a conversation for another time. Let’s stay with the Ozzie and Harriet business.

Do you folks who keep raising this argument really believe it? Honestly? It’s either that or your cynicism is even worse than I suspect. If we want those good family values back in our movies, TV programs, novels, and funny-books, we have to have the segregation and other stuff back as well? There’s no way to promote one without the other?

And, if that’s the case, is there something uniquely powerful about Ozzie, Harriet and the terrible 50’s, or are there other blights and crimes in history inextricably aligned with other virtuous qualities? If I were to express a desire for more honor or chivalry, what might your response be?

“So you want to turn back the clock to medieval era definitions of honor and chivalry, even though that was also a time of rigid class systems, murderous domination of the lower classes by the elite, constant bloody warfare, and unprovoked crusades against the Middle East inspired by rampant Western European religious intolerance?”

And what if I were to express a desire for more manly, less weepy and whiny, men in our movies and such?

“So you want to turn back the clock to the old west notion of the brooding, taciturn self-reliant man, living life on his own terms, following his own personal code, even though that was also a time of rampant gun crime, greedy robber barons exploiting the Chinese and other cheap immigrant labor for construction of their evil railroads, genocide against the Native Americans, and women treated as second class citizens kept in serf-bondage to their men and denied the vote?”

Okay, this is getting fun.

For you folks who keep repeating the Ozzie and Harriet argument, but are secretly growing as tired of it as I am, feel free to use these variations I’ve crafted. Even though I’m a professional writer who usually expects to get paid for my work, I do have a strong charitable urge. So do please feel welcome to use these for free. If nothing else, it will break up the monotony of the Ozzie and Harriet indictment with a nice mix.

Now where were we? Oh yes, how about if I ask for more depictions of real patriots?

“So you want to turn back the clock to Revolutionary War era patriotism, even though that was also a time of widespread slavery, where even our country’s so-called founding fathers owned slaves?”

And feel free to get esoteric. Show off your expensive education. If I, or some other evil Republican, were to mention a joy of hunting, you could come back with:

“So you want to turn back the clock to the intrepid hunter-gatherers of the stone age, even though that was a time when the marauding tribes of Clovis People crossed the Bering land-ice bridge, flooding down into pristine ancient America with their advanced flint spearhead technology and wiped out all thirty (or so) species of mega fauna in the space of only a few generations?”

The possibilities are endless. If your knowledge of history is lacking, due to a public education, you could always stay more topical. No need to dredge up the ages when much more recent examples are handy. If someone were to express a wistful desire for more national unity, you could zing him with:

“So you want to turn back the clock to the immediate aftermath of 9/11, when our country was briefly united, even though it was in service to an evil cause where jingoism swept the nation like a cancer, prejudice and hate crimes against Muslims skyrocketed, Republicans were stealing presidential elections so they could launch illegal wars-for-oil (which they lied to get us into), black communities were targeted with natural disasters, and no one was yet allowed to vote for Barack Obama?”

See? It’s easy. You could craft a million variations of the Ozzie and Harriet argument and save us all from a lifetime of dull repetition. I’ll even provide a handy template to make your task even simpler:

Just fill in the blanks as directed: “So you want to turn back the clock to (insert past era here)’s style (insert desired value, virtue, social or cultural practice here), even though that was also a time of (insert list of terrible qualities, conditions, laws or cultural norms, common to the above-listed era here — note that the longer the list the better your argument, and extra points for any use of the word “jingoism”)?”

Try it out for yourself in the comments section below. It’s easy, it’s safe, and it’s fun for the whole family. I’ll even present Ozzie and Harriet were the Heart of Evil awards to the most clever new variations.