Porn Industry to Congress: Hey, We Want a Bailout, Too

Hard to believe they’re on the level, but who knows these days.

With the financial industry, auto makers and more getting assistance from the federal government to stay afloat during the recession, the adult industry decided it would try to get something as well.

Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis and “Hustler” magazine publisher Larry Flynt have said they will petition Congress for financial aid along the lines of what the Big Three auto makers are getting.

Francis said that he and Flynt are asking for $5 billion, and that they have sent letters to Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, Congress and their local Congressman, Henry Waxman (D-Calif.) with the proposal.

The pornographers blame the rise of free porn for their dire financial straits.

Personally, I blame the lack of quality scripts. It’s always the same story, they haven’t had a new idea in 30 years, and it’s nothing but sequels, sequels, sequels.

Economists warn that without a bailout, a “ripple effect” could spread to related industries, including the swingers’ magazine industry, the late-night-programming-at-Cinemax industry, and even the latex “Gimp Outfit” industry. All told, an entire region comprising some twenty square miles of the San Fernando Valley could be devastated.

In related news: Charlie Sheen announced he thinks he’s finally found a cause he can “really get behind.”