On ABC’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on Friday, Adam Carolla, author of the new book “President Me: The America That’s In My Head,” touted two of the things that “President Adam Carolla” would undertake as commander-in-chief, which dealt with health care and traffic safety.

On health care:

“Well you know, I start with health care,” Carolla said. “Costs are out of control. We want to know who is going to spend all the money and who’s going to take care of us as we get older and all of that. Pretty simple straight-forward idea for urgent care and health care: All of the equipment in the hospital, especially ventilators and all the urgent care stuff – all the stuff grandpa is hooked up to – coin-operated. It’s all coin-op.”

“Do your loved ones really love you?” he continued. “We are going to find out. We are going to find out. OK. I want to say this — this is one of the things that is going to take care of itself because if you don’t have enough friends, enough loved ones, enough, enough family members that really care enough to bring a pillowcase full of nickels to the hospital every time they visit you,do you want to return to a world where they wouldn’t pitch in, you know, fed the meter so to speak? And you know, I’m taking Obama slogan, putting a twist on it, the hope and change thing: You better hope they have change.

On traffic safety:

“I think you’re going to like this one especially,” he said. “I think we are getting a little careless. Speaking of health care. People driving. It’s not dangerous anymore. What I mean is, the car has 75 airbags, and crumble zones, and anti-lock brakes and everything. That’s why everyone is texting and falling asleep and talking on their phone. We are not paying attention while we are driving anymore because we feel safe. We are too safe, too secure. Our parent had to drive because they had like Prussian helmet points on their steering wheel that would go through their sternum and no lap belts either. You had to pay attention back then. We are too safe. We’re not paying attention anymore.”

“That’s why under my administration — every tenth car that comes out of the factory, the airbag will be filled with moose semen. Just every tenth. Every tenth. You’ll be driving 10:00 and 2:00, head on a swivel. You go. You will not want to make — every tenth. I’m not a maniac. Not every car.  Every tenth. We’re not telling you which one. The silent whole week. I guarantee you this accidents will go down.”

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