Sharknado Blockbuster Stokes Passion, Controversy

Sharknado, The Tornado What’s Filled With Sharks (TM), is the most important cinematic event since the very first French filmmakers’ experiments with the key French cinematic technologies of moving pictures (1903) and boring the viewer with a lot of nonsense (1904). This is obvious. 

It’s the film Orson Welles would have made,

if he’d had the courage to be an artist rather than a salesman of spectacle.

But I’m told this film is being attacked by the Shark Weather Phenomena cinematic community as highly derivative of a previous feature, 2012’s landmark Snow Shark, The Shark What Swims in Snow (TM).

You might think “Oh, that’s completely different from a Tornado Filled With Sharks; that’s merely a Shark In An Unexpected Environment Movie, like the seminal 2011 cinematic effort Sand Sharks.”

But in fact the long-awaited sequel, Avalanche Sharks (2013), which debuts later this year, makes it plain that the film-makers were merely building towards a true Shark Weather Phenomenon opus. But like meticulous watch-makers, they took the time necessary to craft their machine.

And you can see from the poster, this film does not resemble Sand Sharks in the least. For one thing, the shark’s head is tilted in the opposite direction.  For another thing, the heroic butt of Avalanche Sharks is slightly canted by her hips, markedly different from Sand Shark‘s artistic choice of the traditional straight-butt.

Controversy aside, I think it’s safe to say we in the Shark Cinema Community are living in a true Golden Age.