Gwyneth Paltrow’s 2016 ‘Detox Diet’: Don’t Eat Anything!

Gwyneth Paltrow has a new diet regimen to ring in the New Year – don’t eat anything.

The actress’ Goop website released the 2016 edition of its week-long “detox diet” on Friday, but the outlet may as well have just warned its subscribers not to eat anything because the list of forbidden foods is exhaustive and includes what some would consider dietary staples.

Red meat, dairy, corn, soy, added sugar, white rice, and shellfish are all verboten. Also, no caffeine, alcohol, or gluten, and leave all “nightshade” fruits and vegetables — tomatoes, eggplant, peppers, and potatoes — on the grocery store shelves.

“As always, the rules are straightforward, but a little rough (particularly when it comes to coffee and booze),” Paltrow acknowledges.

But if you can get through the caffeine withdrawal without experiencing “dry heaving,” the guide promises that “sticking to the meal plan won’t make you feel like you’re depriving yourself of anything.”

To aid detoxers in their dietary pursuits, Goop partnered with Surya, an Ayurveda spa in Pacific Palisades, to come up with a 7-day meal plan that ostensibly takes the anxiety out of deciding what to eat.

Start each day with the “unusual yet delicious” Surya Detox Tea, and follow it up most days with Paltrow’s own “Morning Smoothie,” complete with “Brain Dust” or “Sex Dust,” to get the day started on the right foot. For lunch, munch on some chickpea and kale curry or the “Detox Tostada Salad with Grilled Chicken and Cilantro Cashew Dressing.” Rice cakes with almond butter, or an aloe and coconut smoothie, work to satisfy between-meal snack cravings, and finish off the day strong with a “Detox Hot and Sour Soup” or a bowl of mung bean dal for dinner.

Paltrow suggests that some dieters may need to take strenuous exercise activity “down a notch” while completing the week-long cleanse, and recommends yoga and walking as less intense alternatives. But it’s also important to sweat: “[S]o if you can get to an infrared sauna, you’ll be helping your system get the toxins out faster.”

Check out Paltrow’s complete 2016 “detox” guide here, and the guide’s complete meal plan below.

Something tells me this diet guide won’t help “incredibly close to the common woman” Paltrow shake off critics who say she’s out of touch with everyday women.

The Meal Plan, courtesy of Goop.com:

DAY 1:

First Thing: Surya Spa Detox Tea
Breakfast: Chia Pudding
Lunch: Five Spice Salmon Burgers with Detox Asian Salad
Snack: GP’s Morning “Smoothie”
Dinner: Chickpea & Kale Curry with Brown Rice

DAY 2:

First Thing: Surya Spa Detox Tea
Breakfast: GP’s Morning “Smoothie”
Lunch: Detox Tostada Salad with Grilled Chicken & Cilantro Cashew Dressing
Snack: Rice Cake with Almond Butter
Dinner: Leftover Five Spice Salmon Burgers with Steamed Bok Choy

DAY 3:

First Thing: Surya Spa Detox Tea
Breakfast: GP’s Morning “Smoothie”
Lunch: Chickpea & Kale Curry with Brown Rice
Snack: Crudités with Leftover Cilantro Cashew Dressing
Dinner: Detox Hot & Sour Soup

DAY 4:

First Thing: Surya Spa Detox Tea
Breakfast: GP’s Morning “Smoothie”
Lunch: Kimchi & Chicken Nori Wraps
Snack: Rice Cake with Almond Butter
Dinner: Detox Hot & Sour Soup

DAY 5:

First Thing: Surya Spa Detox Tea
Breakfast: GP’s Morning “Smoothie”
Lunch: Soba Noodle Salad with Grilled Chicken & Miso Dressing
Snack: Surya Spa Aloe & Coconut Smoothie
Dinner: Surya Spa Dal

DAY 6:

First Thing: Surya Spa Detox Tea
Breakfast: Chia Pudding
Lunch: Chicken Paillard with Zucchini Noodles
Snack: Crudités with Leftover Miso Dressing
Dinner: GP’s Morning “Smoothie” & Roasted Sweet Potato

DAY 7:

First Thing: Surya Spa Detox Tea
Breakfast: GP’s Morning “Smoothie”
Lunch: Detox Asian Salad with Grilled Chicken
Snack: Surya Spa Aloe & Coconut Smoothie
Dinner: Surya Spa Dal