Of course the whole point of replacing retiring Justice Anthony Kennedy is overturning Roe v. Wade. That and a thousand other egregious overreaches by the panel of unelected, robed autocrats.
“Beware the coming civil war!” Coming? Oh, it’s already upon us. And it has been raging for some time now.
Thousands of poor, innocent children streaming illegally across the border!
However bad you thought it was, it really is so much worse.
Call it “Sitting Bull in a china shop.”
No president from either party over the past three decades has earned the inheritance of Ronald Reagan on the world stage quite like President Trump has.
At the end of all the scandal and drama, all of the breathlessly reported lies and false accusations, at the end of all the money wasted on some zany kabuki swamp dance choreographed to the thrumming of giant bullfrogs and yipping of excited coyotes — at the end of all of this — it comes down to precisely what we said it was a year and a half ago.
RICHMOND — The last time Sen. John McCain lay dying, he was in a North Vietnamese prison cell having been brutally tortured.
It’s not like the guy didn’t warn us.
Call it a pole-dancing standoff between the Siren Stripper and the Leakin’ Lyin’ Nasty Giraffe, code-named “Slimeball” by the highest levels of the United States government.
It is hard to say what is more comical in this grilling of Facebook hoodie-in-chief Mark Zuckerberg by members of Congress.
Chaos in the West Wing!
“Brother for sale: Free. Or best offer.” “No pinching.” “I like ketchup on my ketchup.”
Only in Washington would it be a scandal for the government to ask a person who wants to be represented in Congress if they are an actual U.S. citizen.
First they tried to beat him at the polls. They lost miserably.
So this is the new standard for electing a president here in America, the greatest living experiment in self-governance.
If brokering peace on the Korean Peninsula is just a diversionary tactic to draw attention away from Stormy Daniels, then somebody please get this president six more porn stars.
Here is the truth about White Lies.
Any time you hear Washington talk about bipartisan agreement, America, grab your wallet and run!
Among the ever-evolving excuses for why Democrats and political hitmen inside the government wanted to keep all their dirty laundry secret was that airing it would reveal important “sources and methods” Department of Justice investigators use to “keep America safe.”
Never in the history of this Republic has there been such a jubilant celebration of lawlessness in the heart of our government as we saw at President Trump’s State of the Union address to Congress.
Here is a MAGA riddle: What is even worse than Fake News? That’s right. Flake News.
Since the earliest rise of the modern tea party, no political pastime has been more joyous than doling out savage ultra-violence against Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell.
Indeed, it is a Merry Christmas for Americans of all races, creeds and genders and species and political persuasions — so long as they are legal Americans who work for a living and pay taxes.
These days, we are living through a real-life international spy thriller full of vast conspiracies, lawless rogue government agents, unthinkable betrayals all driven by stupendous greed and a blithe willingness to lie about absolutely anything.
Man, that scorched tummy has got to hurt!
Behold, Nancy Pelosi, the monster you yourself created.
Once upon a time, even a Yellow Dog could get elected in places like Alabama — so long as he was a Democrat.
At some point, every warrior eventually runs out of arrows. His armor wears thin yet grows heavier still. He must lay down his weary helmeted head for rest.
What kind of demonic soul walks into a church a murders 26 innocent people, including several children at point-blank range?
“All are welcome. No exceptions,” reads the cheap, blue sign zip-tied to the wrought iron fence between brick pillars outside Christ Church in Alexandria. “All,” that is, except George Washington and Robert E. Lee. Or, anyone who reveres either of the two great generals. Or, even the memory of them.
What does it say about the State of Journalism in America today that when some kook wants to smuggle a bunch of Russian flags into the highly secured U.S. Capitol to throw at the president, he dresses up like a reporter?
There is the old adage that if you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. This has always been because the swamp contains the nastiest reptilian creatures that will just as soon strike you in the back as look at you.
In this era of Making America Great Again, it is true and wonderful to celebrate this great and glorious holiday and sing high praises for the good and daring adventurer who discovered America.
Is there no third rail of American politics this president fears? Obviously not.
Nakedly transactional. Egotistical. Self-interested. These are the slurs you hear echoing throughout the swamp about President Trump and his political motivations.
Thrice now President Trump has struck a dirty deal with devious Democrats, thwarting the good governance of fellow Republicans and betraying the alliance of voters who sent him to the White House where they hoped he would just behave like a good, proper professional Republican.
The swamp gets sloshed! Republicans stunned! GOP reeling! Blindsided!
Everyone knows that former President Barack Obama, our Great American Constitutional Law Professor, got mercilessly schooled by the Supreme Court during his eight years in office. Now he is getting schooled by a brash-talking, orange-haired reality-TV star and real-estate developer from Queens.
We are witnessing some of the most spectacularly absurd political gambits in American history unfold right now before our very eyes.