China’s state-run Global Times railed against New Zealand for ostensibly “meddling” in China’s conflict with Australia, sarcastically rebuffing New Zealand Foreign Minister Nanaia Mahuta’s offer to mediate in the trade and diplomatic dispute.

Mahuta drew this contemptuous response by suggesting Tuesday that New Zealand might be able to help China and Australia work out their differences during next year’s Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) summit.

“Do I believe that there might [be] an opportunity for New Zealand to create a different environment and have a conversation? Yes, I do. And I think hosting APEC might well be the opportunity … but both parties will have to be willing to come together and concede in some areas where they are currently not seeing eye to eye,” Mahuta chirped in a burst of diplomatic enthusiasm the Global Times found deeply annoying.

“Can Wellington really act well as a mediator? No, it cannot,” the Chinese Communist paper declared, excoriating Mahuta for pretending New Zealand is anything but a tool of the sinister Australia-U.S.-Five Eyes conspiracy against Beijing.

Also, the Global Times was angry at Mahuta for criticizing a Chinese editorial cartoon:

When it comes to the picture that Chinese cartoonist Wuheqilin created about Australian soldiers’ crimes in Afghanistan, Mahuta still referred to it as “disinformation.” This shows that Wellington is just the same as Canberra – adopting double standards on this issue.

It is indisputable that war crimes in Afghanistan committed by Australian soldiers lie squarely on the shoulders of authorities in Canberra. China has simply stood up for justice and made its position public. New Zealand is not in a position to blame China or to mediate – as Wellington is fundamentally in the same boat with Canberra on this issue.

Moreover, New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has publicly voiced support for Australia over the cartoon controversy, showing Western-style arrogance and duplicity. 

The Global Times somehow forgot to mention the image in question wasn’t really a “cartoon.” It was a faked photo of an Australian soldier slitting the throat of an Afghan child.

The Australian government, which has been seriously investigating allegations of war crimes in Afghanistan and taking action against those held responsible, condemned the Chinese photo as an “outrageous and disgusting slur” after it was spread on social media by the Chinese Foreign Ministry.

New Zealand joined Australia in denouncing the image. As part of that response, Mahuta said her government “doesn’t support disinformation that tends to be inflammatory, both domestically and internationally.”

After working through its feelings about New Zealand’s response to China’s propaganda, the Global Times launched a tirade about New Zealand working too closely with the United States to be treated as an honest mediator of disputes:

First, it has conducted close cooperation with Washington, including participating in regional defense exercises and signing security and defense agreements. Second, it slandered China in various aspects; such as accusing Beijing of carrying out cyber attacks inside Australia, slamming China on the South China Sea issue, and claiming to prevent “China’s infiltrating” into Australia. Third, given the fact that China is the main driver of Australia’s economic growth, Australia advocates to promote economic diversification and get rid of China’s so-called control. We can see how Australia is particularly hostile to China in military, political, security and military spheres.

The editorial then warned Australia and New Zealand not to expect rescue from the incoming American administration, no matter how much friendlier to China’s interests it might be than President Donald Trump was: “Many people in the West hope the incoming Biden administration will meddle in the China-Australia spat. But American politicians will not easily sacrifice their own political interests. Biden will show support for Australia, but the actions will be more symbolic than practical. Biden’s offer to restore relations between the U.S. and its allies was motivated by U.S. self-interest, not selflessness.” 

The Global Times concluded by asserting Beijing is ready to be everyone’s friend as soon as Australia “changes its ways” and all of its allies stop going down the “wrong path.”

“If Australia continues to hurt the feelings of the Chinese people, Chinese consumers will choose to vote with their feet,” the Global Times warned.