Skittles, I Hardly Knew Ye

After my favorite candy came out against Daddy, I’ve realized it is time for a sugary divorce. I am destined to break my diet on a regular basis with another confection — Sour Skittles are dead to me.

Skittles became a headline today. That may sound bizarre, but then again, last week’s election headlines were dominated by a cartoon frog.

This is a very personal issue, for as my diehard fans (are there other types?) know, Sour Skittles are my candy of choice.

It all started when Donald Trump Jr. tweeted a meme that is a variation on a bog standard comment, often with M&M’s in place of skittles.

Mars, Inc quickly replied:

This isn’t the first time Skittles has waded in to political debate. In June of this year they put out all white skittles in honor of LGBT pride week in London.  Their comment on the product was sickeningly, cloyingly sweet, even for a candy company.

“So this is kind of awkward, but we’re just gonna go ahead and address the rainbow-colored elephant in the room,” the candy brand’s letter read. “You have the rainbow … we have the rainbow … and usually that’s just hunky-dory.

“But this Pride, only one rainbow deserves to be the centre of attention—yours. And we’re not going to be the ones to steal your rainbow thunder, no siree.”

This latest development is in line with their previous knee-jerk corporate progressivism, but it also exposes one of the left’s most egregious double standards.

They’ve decided to support Muslims: the people who want to kill gays, or at the very least make homosexuality illegal. How does that square with their hip pro-pride posturing back in June?

Perhaps they can still market this to gays — taste the rainbow, as you plummet off the roof of a building!

Close observers of cultural politics will remember that feminists used a similar image, of M&Ms, at the height of the bogus “rape culture” panic. Their point was that women should be prejudiced against all men because a few of them are rapists. If I opposed that argument, some may ask, how can I support Donald Trump Jr’s?

The difference, of course, is that only a tiny number of western men are rapists, while countless millions of Muslims want to kill or outlaw gays. 

If you think I’m exaggerating, watch these nice refugees in Minnesota, and listen to their comments on gays.

https://twitter.com/Cernovich/status/777596968302325760

For me, the hypocrisy is blatant and will make my beloved Sour Skittles too sour even for me. Sorry Mars, but I prefer my candy non-Sharia compliant.

I plan to adopt a new official candy in the near future. One senior colleague suggested Sour Patch Kids as a replacement. One good thing about those is they come in a big bag so I don’t have to pull a Chris Christie and refill my bag like I do with Skittles. (My personal trainer isn’t reading this is he?)

If you have suggestions for a replacement candy, please send them to me. I am anticipating calls from candy company CEO’s interested in producing MILO candy. Hopefully, like me, they will be as delicious as they are beautiful.